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Here are the presents that our readers added most recently.

 

Sound Soother Sound Soother  
Bottled Soothing Sounds - you so need this!
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Bottled Sounds of Nature and other noises to relax you - NOT!

Monday, November 30, 21:45 2009 GMT

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Jean Nate After Bath Splash, Original Jean Nate After Bath Splash, Original  
Cheap perfume by any other name
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Does anybody actually use this stuff??? What's there to say about it??? I'm sure almost anyone reading this has received it as a gift at some point in their lives.

I'm sure most readers know what it looks like.

Goes straight to the back of a bathroom closet once Christmas is over.

It can't get any more useless than this.

Monday, October 20, 19:44 2008 GMT

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Tooth Tunes Tooth Tunes  
Music-playing toothbrush
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A toothbrush that plays music when you brush.

Fortunately it doesn't play Kenny G, or else
you might be compelled to gag yourself with
it.

Sunday, June 10, 13:35 2007 GMT

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Breakfix Cereal Dispenser Breakfix Cereal Dispenser  
Can't figure out those crazy complicated cereal boxes?
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Next, an automatic Kiddie Litter Box!

Friday, December 29, 21:21 2006 GMT

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Gift Baskets Gift Baskets  
Why think of someone when you can just buy this?
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Nothing says "I'd rather just spend $50 on this token pre-wrapped, pre-selected gift rather than actually think about you" better than Gift Baskets, often available from websites with specious, guilt-assuaging names such as "Custom Gift Solutions" or "Dream Maker Gifts."

It's magical: you start with the items that are the most commonly given as token gestures, and the most commonly unwanted, such as fruitcake and spumoni-mascarpone cookies. Put them all together into a silly basket, machine-wrapped and shrink-wrapped with clinical precision, and you get something that takes on a whole new air of artificiality. What is it that attracts people to this?

I'd rather say "no."

Saturday, December 23, 14:21 2006 GMT

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Luwak Coffee (Kopi Luwak, Animal Coffee) Luwak Coffee (Kopi Luwak, Animal Coffee)  
Cat Shit Coffee: from the cat to the cup?
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I guess people will buy anything that comes in a handsome carrying case. $300 a pound for something I could find in the litter-box? No thanx ....

Saturday, December 23, 13:25 2006 GMT

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Sharper Image No Hands Can Opener Sharper Image No Hands Can Opener  
Drawer fodder: cuts an edge that's as dull as the owner
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I've never understood why anyone with functioning hands would want an electric can opener at all, but this takes it to a whole new level.

"Cordless for convenient use anywhere---all around the kitchen or out camping, too." Yeah! I can't even count how many times I've been walking down the street and suddenly I'm confronted with a drop-dead-critical must-cut-this-instant can-opening emergency. I'll feel comfortable with this unit at my side, especially when I'm roughing it out in the wilderness and banging my can of Dinty Moore against the local rocks and animals isn't giving me satisfaction. Hope I remember my spare batteries!

Saturday, December 23, 12:52 2006 GMT

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Fruitcake Fruitcake  
Food? No. Projectile? Biological Weapon? Maybe...
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Warning: The following description contains graphic images which may cause you to lose your stomach contents all over the floor.





Some basic questions:
  1. Who would eat this?
  2. In fact, who would even conceive of making this and calling it food?
  3. Even ignoring (1) and (2), who in their right mind would give this to someone and call it a "present"?
This has to be one of the all-time longest-standing neuroses of families across the world. Please send your fruitcake-afflicted "friends" and relatives to stupidest-presents.com so that they may draw their own conclusions from the vote this item receives.

If you're not convinced that this is the most hideous so-called food in the world, I have one link for you that will forever put you off your fruitcake habit. Click here, if you dare: Frightful Fruitcake

My friend has a theory that there is actually just one fruitcake in the world, and that fruitcake just gets passed on from one unwilling recipient to the next. Could be, could be...

Saturday, December 23, 12:27 2006 GMT

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Underwear Underwear  
Just what I always wanted...how nice.
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What is your mother or grandmother trying to tell you when she consistently buys you underwear, year after year?
  • you couldn't possibly think to buy it yourself?
  • strange odors tell her of a possible need?
  • she couldn't think of anything else to get you?
Whatever it is, it's got to stop!

Saturday, December 23, 11:45 2006 GMT

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Soap Genie Automatic Soap & Lotion Dispenser Soap Genie Automatic Soap & Lotion Dispenser  
Why use bar soap when you can buy a chiming, $40 electronic gadget?
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Remember those "automatic" motion sensor sink faucets that they seem to love to install in airports, McDonald's restaurants, bus stations, casinos, and other high-class venues? You know, the one that's supposed to be more hygienic, but that you nearly always end up frantically waving your hands in front of and eventually punching with your fist because the damn water doesn't come out?

Well, now you can have this same excellent, paradigm-shifting technology in your own home, in the form of a flimsy, plastic, battery-powered soap dispenser. No longer will you be forced to lift heavy objects (e.g. soap) when it's time to wash your hands.

Just place your hand underneath the unit's friendly infrared laser beam (elbow rest and motorized arm moving accessories available), wait just a tad for the unit's fuzzy logic processor to distinguish the presence of your hand from, say, flies or floating dust (see Sharper Image Air Purifier), and you will not only be rewarded with a goop of slimy soap measured precisely to the nearest microdollap, but you will also be lulled to complete contentment with your purchase by a pleasing chime.

Definitely worth the money.

Saturday, December 23, 11:34 2006 GMT

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iPulse Bear Speaker System and Light Show for iPod & MP3 iPulse Bear Speaker System and Light Show for iPod & MP3  
Dumpster bait for the Shaper Image Generation
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Irresistibly cute awful speakers!

Every day I see it on the table, I fight off an irresistible urge to grab it by it's icky plastic scruff and haul it off to the nearest Salvation Army Surplus depot...but I'm not sure I want to subject them or anyone else to this to this irritating freak of mass production.

Saturday, December 23, 10:42 2006 GMT

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The Tingler The Tingler  
Would you pay $20 for a head rake?
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What is going on with the human race?
Has it really come to this?

$20 for a glorified garden hand rake that you use to prod your head?

How about just snuggle your noggin up against the nearest street cleaner as it drives by? You can use the $20 to check in to your local insane asylum instead!

Marketing Copy:

The Tingler is a copper conduit of healing energy. It softly massages acupressure points and sensitive nerve endings causing a heightened, blissful activation of the senses, awakening your brain while relaxing your whole being. Lots of folks say their headaches disappear. All we know is that it's the most divine, relaxing, goosebumpy, erotic, friend-making, healing, happy Head Massager ever made.

Saturday, December 23, 10:29 2006 GMT

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Sharper Image Air Purifier Sharper Image Air Purifier  
$350 to do WHAT? Does it put gold in the air?
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Insanity! Assuming we even believe that this device is more than just a sleekly marketed fan, why not just get a $20 desk fan and stick a piece of moist cheesecloth over it? Would sure save money and you could make some yummy grape juice or tiramisu while you're at it.

Saturday, December 23, 10:17 2006 GMT
2018 update: They make the air smell funny, and may actually case WORSE air quality...

And you can pick one up at almost any thrift store for around $15.

Thursday, May 17, 18:51 2018 GMT

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