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1. Sound Soother
  Bottled Soothing Sounds - you so need this!
  http://www.sharperimage.com/Electron...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (558 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 
Bottled Sounds of Nature and other noises to relax you - NOT!
  Monday, November 30, 21:45 2009 GMT
2. Jean Nate After Bath Splash, Original
  Cheap perfume by any other name
  http://www.amazon.com/Jean-Nate&...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (714 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 
Does anybody actually use this stuff??? What's there to say about it??? I'm sure almost anyone reading this has received it as a gift at some point in their lives.

I'm sure most readers know what it looks like.

Goes straight to the back of a bathroom closet once Christmas is over.

It can't get any more useless than this.
  Monday, October 20, 19:44 2008 GMT
3. Tooth Tunes
  Music-playing toothbrush
  http://www.gizmodiva.com/brush.j...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (3793 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


A toothbrush that plays music when you brush.

Fortunately it doesn't play Kenny G, or else
you might be compelled to gag yourself with
it.
  Sunday, June 10, 13:35 2007 GMT
4. Breakfix Cereal Dispenser
  Can't figure out those crazy complicated cereal boxes?
  http://www.skymall.com/shopping/...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (3999 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


Next, an automatic Kiddie Litter Box!
  Friday, December 29, 21:21 2006 GMT
5. Gift Baskets
  Why think of someone when you can just buy this?
  http://www.customgiftsolutions.com/M...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (3814 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


Nothing says "I'd rather just spend $50 on this token pre-wrapped, pre-selected gift rather than actually think about you" better than Gift Baskets, often available from websites with specious, guilt-assuaging names such as "Custom Gift Solutions" or "Dream Maker Gifts."

It's magical: you start with the items that are the most commonly given as token gestures, and the most commonly unwanted, such as fruitcake and spumoni-mascarpone cookies. Put them all together into a silly basket, machine-wrapped and shrink-wrapped with clinical precision, and you get something that takes on a whole new air of artificiality. What is it that attracts people to this?

I'd rather say "no."
  Saturday, December 23, 14:21 2006 GMT
6. Santa Claus Candle Holder
  ...or...something.
  http://www.tias.com/11752/PictPa...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (3637 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


Eeeeiggh...what...exactly is Santa doing to my candle?

And why exactly do I need a candle holder, not to mention a Santa-themed one?
  Saturday, December 23, 13:52 2006 GMT
7. Luwak Coffee (Kopi Luwak, Animal Coffee)
  Cat Shit Coffee: from the cat to the cup?
  http://www.animalcoffee.com/
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (4529 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 
I guess people will buy anything that comes in a handsome carrying case. $300 a pound for something I could find in the litter-box? No thanx ....



  Saturday, December 23, 13:25 2006 GMT
8. Sharper Image Handsfree Can Opener
  Drawer fodder: cuts an edge that's as dull as the owner
  http://www.sharperimage.com/us/e...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (4152 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


I've never understood why anyone with functioning hands would want an electric can opener at all, but this takes it to a whole new level.

"Cordless for convenient use anywhere---all around the kitchen or out camping, too." Yeah! I can't even count how many times I've been walking down the street and suddenly I'm confronted with a drop-dead-critical must-cut-this-instant can-opening emergency. I'll feel comfortable with this unit at my side, especially when I'm roughing it out in the wilderness and banging my can of Dinty Moore against the local rocks and animals isn't giving me satisfaction. Hope I remember my spare batteries!
  Saturday, December 23, 12:52 2006 GMT
9. Fruitcake
  Food? No. Projectile? Biological Weapon? Maybe...
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fru...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (4787 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 
Warning: The following description contains graphic images which may cause you to lose your stomach contents all over the floor.




Some basic questions:
  1. Who would eat this?
  2. In fact, who would even conceive of making this and calling it food?
  3. Even ignoring (1) and (2), who in their right mind would give this to someone and call it a "present"?
This has to be one of the all-time longest-standing neuroses of families across the world. Please send your fruitcake-afflicted "friends" and relatives to stupidest-presents.com so that they may draw their own conclusions from the vote this item receives.

If you're not convinced that this is the most hideous so-called food in the world, I have one link for you that will forever put you off your fruitcake habit. Click here, if you dare: Frightful Fruitcake

My friend has a theory that there is actually just one fruitcake in the world, and that fruitcake just gets passed on from one unwilling recipient to the next. Could be, could be...
  Saturday, December 23, 12:27 2006 GMT
10. Underwear
  Just what I always wanted...how nice.
  http://www.kohls.com/products/pr...
 
Rating:
5: blows chunks (3799 votes)
Your Vote:
<< vote right here!
  [Permanent link to this present]
 


What is your mother or grandmother trying to tell you when she consistently buys you underwear, year after year?
  • you couldn't possibly think to buy it yourself?
  • strange odors tell her of a possible need?
  • she couldn't think of anything else to get you?
Whatever it is, it's got to stop!
  Saturday, December 23, 11:45 2006 GMT
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